Kendalalley’s Blog

In a message written between 3-4am on Saturday, April 18

“Its officially 3am. I am sitting in a not so comfortable recliner in an absolutely beautiful mountain house that is full of absolutely beautiful sleeping young ladies (and one smoking Beth-a-roo! (wait she doesn’t really smoke… I just mean she is beautiful too! Hah!)) I am tired; just finished some much needed time power pointing for church on Sunday (Since I’m going to be a tad on the busy side on my Saturday night! *wink*) and I feel like I have nothing left to give as far as mental capacity goes because my school load has been un. real. ugh.

But… I sit here tired, drained, uncomfortable, and happier than ever before. Earlier today Addison came in my office at church, laid down an iPod with headphones and said, “I brought you something to listen to.” I put the headphones on- hit play- and said, “You have got to be kidding me!” I was listening to the first finished track from their recording session.

Words cannot describe how extremely proud and moved I was. Before I knew it I had a handful of people watching me crying at my desk. Mind you, our youth’s band is a hardcore band with screaming and everything- so crying at it really makes no sense- but it happened before I even realized it. I hope the boys forgive me for crying at their hard rock song… it certainly wasn’t the song that made me cry… it was the amazing talent you possess and that you recognize it as being a gift from God and you use it for good and not evil. I’ve said it before but I will say it again- they rock my face off

Now, I am here with my girls, and as muuuuuuuuuuch as I love my boys (They all know I am crazy crazy crazy over them I do believe!) there is just something so special about spending time with my girls. We have had the best time with Beth’s big surprise plan to take us all up the mountain for our retreat! We’ve played the coolest games and had the coolest discussion sessions… it’s so nice to talk and laugh and be real with each other. Its times like these that I will never forget.

As much as I want to be a mom and as much as I already love my little girl from China that God has for me- I already am starting to feel like a mom. Not that I act like one to the youth or that I am some good role model or anything for them- but in the love that I have for them. I guess I am just experiencing my heart growing more and more like a new mother’s heart grows to love her child.

I have always been close to my youth group- and I have always enjoyed planning events and taking an active leadership role even when I was a youth myself sometimes… but something has changed… *gasp* maybe I’m even growing up myself some. But, I’ve always heard new mothers say that you begin to realize and become overwhelmed with how much God loves you once you finally have kids yourself. Not that I think the youth are “kids” actually, they know I strongly feel the opposite especially when I am only 22 myself. (whoa… I just realized when I typed that- that I told someone yesterday that I was 21. Man. lol)

but it’s more of the WAY I love the youth now. I am protective of them. I am possessive of them. (and boy are they protective and possessive of me… maybe even more than I am of them!! Hah!! (which I love by the way!)) I care about them more than if they were just my friends, and in a different way than if they were just my brother or sister. I care about equipping them for the real world, and about laying some foundational stones in their life that they can continue to look to as they grow older and their faith is, undoubtedly tested. I want to know about their relationships, their family, their plans, their pet peeves, their hobbies, where they are going, what they are thinking (or not thinking! Ha!) I want to know everything. I even told my girls as I was talking to them tonight that I often catch myself talking about the youth with my friends and family as if they are my children and I am bragging on them and am all but obsessed with them. creepy? yes. thank you! lol.

Working with youth is such a blessing. I have always loved this group of people and found it almost easy to be able to create relationships with people in this age group and have been blessed to have had the chance to connect with tons and tons of youth throughout my life. Who knows, maybe youth ministry will play a bigger part in my future than I would have guessed.

One thing is for sure though— I love my CVBC youth and I am so so so so so so so so blessed and humbled by the fact that they love me in spite of the times I can be unlovable. Youth: if you happen to be reading this… I want to thank you for teaching me more about how God loves me and for being real with me. Your friendship and love is truly treasured by me… and I will never ever stop believing in all the wonderful things that I see God using each of you for. If nothing else, I will always love you (cue the Whitney Houston song)- and you can bet that if it’s a new day… you have been prayed for by your “momma K”

-Shalom Out